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Preamble

Soul ties, and its causal relationship with sex, has been togging at my heart for a couple of weeks now. I finally succumb to its togging to post. I hope that it helps someone.

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Sex is meant to be enjoyed by both partners. It was originally created for enjoyment at marriage (could be a post for another day.), and not pre-marriage. But in a society, where everything is sexual, sex-base and oriented, I acknowledge that this statement might not be welcomed or could be largely contended.

Sex is a tri-dimensional experience involving the spirit, soul, and body of those participating in it. Anytime you have sex with anyone, you bond with them. Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neuro-chemical changes occur in both their brains that encourages limbic emotional bonding (LEB).

Limbic bonding is “an emotional and biological connection you form with your partner.” It is the reason that casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level.

Casual Sex

Soul ties occur primarily from sexual intimacy.

Two people may decide to have sex “just for the fun of it,” or because they thought that “they’d be together forever,” yet something is occurring on another level that they may not have decided on at all.

Sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not. One person, often the woman, is bound to form an attachment and will be hurt when a casual affair ends. (this is not to say that men do not hurt when casual sex ends.) One reason it is usually the woman who is hurt most is that the female limbic system is larger than the male’s.

Sex is like gluing two pieces of wood together. Ending (casual) sex is akin to ripping the pieces of wood apart the next day! Of course, the wood from the opposite board (wood) remains on each board. A piece of your sex partner (the good, bad, and ugly) stays with you and vice versa for the rest of your life. You can only imagine what it looks like when you bond with multiple partners. Unhealthy soul ties are often the ramifications of having partners that you create a lifelong bond with through a sexual encounter but with whom you only have a short-term relationship with. What we don’t know is that the bond remains long after the relationship is over, leaving both sexual partners longing for wholeness.

People are misinformed and, therefore, convinced that sex is strictly dimensional, physical act with no emotional or spiritual connections. Yet after sex, they find themselves mysteriously longing for the person they may not even like. A person (usually the woman) gives herself sexually to someone, expecting that the intense intimate act of intercourse would create a bond that would lead to deeper levels of commitment in the relationship. But soon she discovers that her sexual partner was taking advantage of her (or his) need for intimacy and used her/his vulnerability to have sex. Of course, this leads to a person being emotionally and spiritually bonded to somebody they deeply resent!

Also, when two people commit to marriage, they surmise that the covenant vows are only a formality. So they live together and enjoy a sexual relationship outside of a lifelong commitment. But later they decide, for whatever reason, that they don’t want to live in a covenant relationship and eventually break up. They usually don’t realize how deeply they have wounded each other as their souls are ripped apart, tearing the very fabric of their beings in the separation.

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Whether you’re a religious person or not, soul ties is a theory that can be explained and understood by anyone. It is the idea that certain actions can connect you to a person and cause you to bond in a way that is not easily broken. Typically, soul ties are said to come from sex (but are also known to have come from other sources; for example, blood covenants, frats or sororities, or other soulish organizations, etc.). It is the physical act of giving yourself to another person that makes you vulnerable to such a connection.

In a healthy relationship, sexual intercourse is used to unify two people in a way that is nurturing and empowering. It is the manner in which couple shows their love and commitment to one another.

However, in a volatile, hostile or unhealthy relationship, sex causes you to tie your soul to someone who is disempowering and damaged. While it is very easy to recognize healthy and emotionally rich soul ties, it is not as easy to identify the unhealthy ones.

Engaging in intercourse with your partner is something that would be enjoyable. It intertwines your energies and should leave you both feeling loved, adored, appreciated and gratified. If you are engaging in intercourse with your partner, but you’re left feeling hollow, unappreciated, used, or dirty, or you’re experiencing a negative emotional reaction to your mate; this should be addressed. If there’s no resolution or if the reason for your experience is based on the state of the relationship, it’s time to separate. (But please, do not separate mainly on this post or the videos shared. These are shared to enlighten you. I therefore urge you to seek counseling and/or your own resolutions as to understanding your negative feelings in your relationship.)

If you want to know whether you’re connected to a person in a destructive way, monitor how you feel on a daily basis while in each other’s company. If you’re living in a constant state of sadness, hopelessness, confinement, and depression, you’re bonded to your partner in several unhealthy ways. A negative soul tie drains you.

3 Signs that you may have a Soul Tie

1. You’re in a physically, emotionally, (mentally) or spiritually abusive relationship, but you feel so attached to the person that you refuse to cut off the connection and set boundaries;
2. You have left a relationship (maybe long ago), but you still think about the other person obsessively. You can’t get them out of your mind. It seems like you’re on withdrawal and your mind is on steroids and you just can’t get him/her out of your mind; for every time you close your eyes, it’s like you see this person; like you’ve developed an unhealthy attachment;
3. Whenever you do anything, make a decision, have a conversation with someone, you “feel” like this person is with you or watching you. It’s like that neural or mental link is still there. It is not a healthy place to be;
4. Imagining or hearing a person’s voice in your head; and,
5. Dreaming about the person or waking up thinking about them regularly.

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Soul ties are outside the will of God for there is an unusual desire to spend all their money on the person and try to please that person. A soul tie outside of marriage echoes statements such as “I can’t live without you,” “I can’t be happy without you,” “I will die without you,” or if I may add, “I’ll die if you leave me.” The negative statements go on and on.

These relationships are not based on the (Holy) Spirit’s love, peace, and joy, and can lead to body ties resulting in physical relationship, and health issues; sometimes afflicting their own bodies or starving themselves and/or losing sleep; often leading to an addiction.

Breaking Soul Ties

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship that reflects any of this post (or the videos shared), know that it can be broken and you can become whole.

The first step is to please seek help today – go for counseling.

• One way to break it is by renouncing every illicit word you’ve ever said: for example, I renounce ever saying that “I cannot live without you.” I declare that I was uniquely created and can live by myself.
• Two, ask God for forgiveness for having gotten yourself into the relationship.
• Ask God for His Grace to move on and to seek His divine relationship.
• Three, forgive the person, and forgive yourself as well.
• Four, remove any item belonging to the person still in your possession.

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Also, next time you “feel” like having a quick fling (aka casual sex), please think before you act.

References:

This YouTube video was largely used in this post.

1. https://youtu.be/gUZMPMyZboI
2. https://www.brisbanecounsellingcentre.com.au/what-happens-in-your-brain-and-body-when-a-relationship-ends/
3. https://goals.com/the-science-behind-break-ups-and-how-to-move-on