Pre-Marriage Development

S-Spiritual Development: So you think you’re ready for Marriage

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The Spiritual Development is the seventh post continuing with the PEMFESS+P Series; So you think you’re ready for Marriage.

In my opinion, the Spiritual Development, should actually be the first step because all the other developments build upon it. But, as I previously stated, the acronym, PEMFESS, just fits in better.

Spirituality means different things to different people. To some, it’s about doctrines, morals, and laws. To some, it’s about nature and its effects. To others, it is about nothing.

I tend to use the terms religious and spiritual interchangeably. The difference is that the latter does not follow organizational doctrines whereas the former does.

Whatever spiritual or spirituality means to you, one thing common among all is faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). Faith is a belief; a belief in something without seeing the evidence. A belief that could be of a higher and bigger nature or of an earthly and lower being or thing.

We all believe in something whether higher or lower. The higher for me is God, Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. The lower is believing in someone or something, for example a parent, a spouse, sibling, or a friend, or believing that your car will drive you daily from Point A to B and back, or believing that the chair you seat on will not crumble under your weight or that the food you eat will not poison you but nourish your body and soul.

Spiritually, we make idols of those people and or things we depend on when we should be looking up to God. The ultimate is for us to believe in and trust God

Most of us have our spirituality handed down to us. As children, we had no choice. But on becoming adults, we have the choice to either continue to embrace those religious or spiritual paths or venture to find our own. I know a family of six, the parents and their four adult children, who each practice different religion/spirituality. I can only imagine how issues are deliberated on inside their home. The wife, who was once a colleague, said, “I’m used to the chaos.”

The key is to find your spiritual path soonest so that it can be developed and perfected before marriage. Hence, you know who you are spiritually. Knowing who you are spiritually also means that you will know to say “No” to certain things while dating, on in marriage,

For spiritual development, therefore, your goal is to find that higher and bigger path, cultivate the relationship, grow, and stick to it. Fully immerse yourself in the knowledge, with a strong foundation, that can only be built upon stronger when you finally marry.

It is dicey to be a spiritual vacuum that can easily be sucked or filled up by someone else’s. Being grounded in your own chosen spirituality, though open to learning, means that you cannot be easily deceived by others spiritual lies or ignorance.

It is always better to be on the same spiritual path with your potential spouse; it just makes life smoother, easier, and more understandable. Should both partners have different spiritual paths, it becomes difficult deciding which paths to raise the children with. Irrespective of the differences, the goal is to agree on how best to raise the children spiritually. However raising and inculcating a spiritual doctrine into children, though it helps, does not guarantee that they will continue with the doctrines as adults.

To every young adult, I pray that you find your spiritual path soonest, if not already, and maximally develop it before you decide to marry.

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Part II: So you think you’re ready for Marriage; how are you in your S-Social Development?

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It is advisable to have a good and diverse social network.

In the Psychology and medical worlds, healthy social development skills begin at infancy and follows us through adulthood. These skills are necessary and important in order to develop into a healthy child. A lack of, or delayed, development in one skill will impact another and, if not dealt with, could lead to one being an adult with poor or inadequate social skills.

These skills are equally essential to master at the appropriate ages. The Danville Schools gave examples of such skills to include:

  • Displays self-control
  • Expresses feelings with words
  • Listens and pays attention
  • Pride in accomplishments
  • Has a positive self image
  • Asks for help when needed
  • Shows affection to familiar people
  • Aware of other peoples feelings.
We all need good social skills

Adults need complementary social skills, too. Reminds me of the television commercial about phone conversations being distorted as a result of bad network. It was a phone conversation between two friends; one asking the other for recommendations on what to wear to an office dinner. She showed up to a formal office dinner in a halloween costume, dressed like a fairy godmother. That’s how it is sometimes when one has poor social development.

Also, ever heard someone being tagged as clumsy? Or one who chooses to continue talking or asking questions when everyone is ready to move on? There’s nothing wrong with asking questions, but such folks ask questions that have been previously discussed. If they had listened or paid attention (an essential social skill), they wouldn’t be repeating the question. This is because they have not mastered the appropriate social skills required at the specific developmental ages.

Etiquettes

Etiquettes, according to the dictionary, the conventional requirements as to social behavior, is lacking in many. They have being replaced by individualism and/or when corrected, misconstrued as “judging” and/or termed as unsolicited advices.

Anyhow, the social development I am referring to is that of the social networking. Having a myriad of human resources to call upon should the need arises. Yes, we need all the important skills to develop a healthy social network, without which we will be unstable in our relationships and/or left without friends.

This has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert; nor the networking required for work, career, or business though some may be interconnected. But more to do with not having the capacity to maintain true friendships.

If you think you’re ready for marriage, your relationships are essential before marriage, during marriage, and sadly ‘after’ marriage. I refer to the “after-marriage” events as a result of death, separation, or divorce.

Men do better in social networks during marriage than women. It is not unusual for women to disperse off their pre-marital relationships once they tie the knots and or start a family. I get it. The topic for girlfriend conversations on ladies nights-out shift for the married ladies for obvious reasons. Sooner than later, the conversations become boring and so does the gathering. But it doesn’t have to, does it? Even if it does, it’s always a good idea to reconnect with one another.

Here are My Tips

  1. Don’t lose all your pre-marital friends. Your pre-marriage friends include childhood, high school, college, and or work friends. Try to keep (or develop) at least one from each category. If you do, you will have at least four friends who know you very well, and can possibly vouch for you hopefully for life. They will be friends whom you can call on anytime.
  2. Granted that some will drift away for different reasons, try to keep at least two (more, if possible) close. Who knows, one of those will probably be your chief bridesmaid (do they still have those now? lol)
There are three types of friends:

1. Friends for a reason
2. Friends for a season, and
3. Friends for a lifetime.
  1. Having both horizontal and vertical friends in your social (network) development is also helpful. The horizontal are your peers in different social groups, while the vertical are your superiors (or older) and juniors. We all learn from each other. Most learn from a superior/older, few learn from their juniors. All are important and each are apt to teach you something new; what you don’t know or thought you do know.
  2. Marriage shouldn’t stop your social development. Continue your social development, and friendships as well, once married. The exception here though will be that you now have to be cognizant of your spouse/hubby. How will he/she feel and/or react to your friends or even to you when you’re meeting with, or having dinner with them? (A probable post for another day.)
  3. Pay attention to “faults” or concerns folks have repeatedly told or accused you of. I’m not saying that the folks were right. You could have been right, but the communication or attitude might have been off. You will be able to pinpoint why you’ve continuously received those accusations.

I pray for your rich and mature social development; to be so grounded and ready for the marriage you desire.

When love is not enough

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Can a relationship or marriage be sustained by love alone? What instances could love not be enough in marriage or a relationship?

I’m learning that people marry for different reasons, other than love. Call me naive if you want, but I’ve always thought that the only reason one married is because they love one another and have chosen to spend the rest of their lives together. Well, it’s become a rude awakening to find otherwise.

Secret Lover is a true story of two people who were passionately in love but ended up not marrying each other for different reasons. It was a triangle. The guy was in love with someone else, yet he married another lady for a few reasons other than love. The guy married couple of years before his lover. On the morning of his wedding, he called to check on her, though he was marrying someone else later that day. He even invited her to his wedding. What audacity you would say. Or is’t misplaced or misdirected love? Or is’t lust (uncontrolled passion)? Tell me what you think it is because I don’t know neither can I fathom or explain it.

The morning after the wedding, he called her again though she was intentionally out of town, on a vacation, to avoid the whole weekend event. But, after the wedding, he called to tell her that he was flying in to see her on her vacation. Rather than go on his honeymoon, he caught a plane the next day to Paris where his lover was vacationing. Maybe his honeymoon was intentionally postponed, who knows?

He married for the wrong reasons but was in love with someone else. How sad. Such is the case when one marries for the wrong reasons and/or marry the wrong mate.

People marry for different reasons; most for the wrong reasons. I wonder if love is even the main factor any more. Is love not enough? For if the marriage foundation is love out of a pure heart, there is nothing the couple can’t overcome. Let me know if you agree or disagree with this statement.

Some cultures betroth their daughters at early ages such that those marriages are devoid of love. While some might “grow into love” eventually, many live in prisons the rest of the years of their marriage.

But why subject oneself to that?

The wrong reasons for marrying include:

  • I can’t leave her because she’s pregnant with my child (this was the case with the Secret Lover,
  • He needs me now
  • We’ve gone through so much together
  • We’ve been middle school sweethearts
  • We’ve grown old together
  • I don’t want to disappoint (fill-in-the-blanks), etc.

Whatever the reasons may be, I ask, is’t worth going through?

Outcomes for marrying for the wrong reasons include:

  • Infidelity
  • Marital aches and pains
  • Having children born but not out of love, which leads to
  • Resentments
  • Unloving and, probably, divided family
  • Family conflicts – fighting over unnecessary issues and things.
  • Incessant conflicts in marriage will eventually lead to divorce, if not heart attack prior to the divorce. Why go through that?

I ask and write on this topic for younger ones, and even the few older ones, contemplating marriage to think it through before jumping in.

Nonetheless, I still believe that marriage is good and honorable.

So you think you’re ready for marriage. How’s your E-Educational Development?

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Literacy in itself is no education. Literacy is not the end of education or even the beginning. By education I mean an all-round drawing out of the best in the child and man-body, mind and spirit.

Mahatma Gandhi

Education does not stop after graduation from high school or college/university. Real educational development continues way after receiving your diploma and throwing of your cap. Completing the education was only the foundation in life.

Your educational development will continue way past graduation and will be tested in various areas of your life. How much you knew (or thought you knew), what you know (or thought you do know), and how much you are willing to learn or know. Are you teachable or rigid; open or closed to learn from others?

I have written two prior posts on Education. They serve as preambles. Please read them before continuing.

“If you stop learning after graduation, you will degenerate.”

Chris Adedoyin @VarsityExperience

After graduation, your first test will come on-the-job from your boss, team members, or the company’s clients or vendors. Or if you’re one of the few who delved right into building a business upon graduation, it will come from everyone you deal with; such dealings can determine your success or failure in the business.

Are you willing to learn new things and follow instructions? Not following instructions can sometimes cost businesses, and personal, dollars. No matter what you’ve learned, every organization has its way of doing business and things; also known as its culture.

First things first (credits to Stephen Covey), never squeeze yourself into a culture you don’t fit into.

Your first job will often be a test of everything you know, thought you knew, are humble to acknowledge you don’t know, and are willing to know and learn. Yes, I recognize that I’m repeating this and might probably do once more during the post. But, life itself is all about this. It is when we acknowledge that we really don’t know as much as we thought we knew, that we’ll be open to learning.

Simply, you can continue your educational development by:

  1. Reading
  2. Being in company of those you deem intellectually superior than you
  3. Having mentors; either professional or personal
  4. Taking classes, and/or
  5. Willing to return to college.

How does your educational development apply in marriage?

It depends on who you marry and/or the family you married into. For example, if your spouse is highly educated, it will behove you to be on the same educational level. If not, you should return to the classroom, else s/he might not deem you “an intellectual equal.” That might put a wedge in that area in your marriage.

Likewise, if your spouse’s family are all intellectuals, and you are not, they might be condescending leading you to being of low self esteem if yours is underdeveloped or non-existence. The reverse is equally true – if you have a higher degree but married one who has a high school diploma. And if you come from an intellectual family but married into a family of laid back education-is-not-for-us kind.

Please note that I am not condemning one or the other, merely stating my opinion and life observations/experiences.

I must point out though that these scenarios are not edged in stone; they are the general life experiences. As we all know, there are always a few exceptions that defy generalizations. Such instances are often the God-kind.

An instance of marrying into a family of intellectuals should, in my opinion, rub off on one to motivate such a person to return to college.

Sean K. Fletcher reminded me/us of the recent development of folks aspiring for “the PhD or doctorate as the highest level qualification today …”. Imagine competing for a job/position with such holders if all you have is high school, some college, or BA/B.Sc.

The purpose of this post is to encourage you to continue your educational development beyond graduation and to have an open mind towards continued learning and educating yourself. The benefits, both tangible and intangible, will be both personal and beneficial to your marriage.

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.”

Albert Einstein

Do not let anything interfere with your learning; not even yourself.

What is Formal Education?

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I’m gearing up for the second E-Development, Educational, in the PEMFESS+P Series. As I began penning, I segued into writing about Education as a preamble.

What exactly is Education? Is it necessary – why or why not? After the first preamble, I realized that I had assumed all readers knew what formal education is. I paused to write this second preamble to correct the assumption; both leading to the upcoming E-Educational Development post.

What is Education; its Function or Purpose?

The Oxford Dictionary defines education as “the process of receiving or giving systematic instruction, especially at a school or university.”

I found an infographic on the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development (ASCD) website which gave different purposes of Education. According to A. W. Forshay, other purposes have also been widely accepted; such as,

  • “to develop the intellect,
  • to serve social needs,
  • to contribute to the economy,
  • to create an effective work force,
  • to prepare students for a job or career, and
  • to promote a particular social or political system.”

A 1957 purpose states that:

“The main purpose of the American school is to provide for the fullest possible development of each learner for living morally, creatively, and productively in a democratic society.”

M. L. King Jr., in his speech at Morehouse College in 1948, stated the educational purpose as:

“The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. But education which stops with efficiency may prove the greatest menace to society. The most dangerous criminal may be the man gifted with reason but no morals. … We must remember that intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.”

All the above are valid today and we can deduce that the function, purpose, or definition of Education will vary diversely. The true definition and purpose should encompass every view which will be the receipt of instruction and development of the whole person to be a productive contributor primarily to themselves and secondarily to society.

What is your own definition or purpose of Education? I’d love to hear it.

Types of Education

Education has been grouped into three types, though I feel that two types would have sufficed. The three are:

  1. Formal
  2. Informal
  3. Non formal

Formal Education

Formal education is the structured classroom-setting type that most people are used to. It uses a framework based on the student’s age and follows vertical hierarchy. Most formal education starts from pre-school or kindergarten through primary (or elementary) to secondary, which may or may not be divided into middle and high schools, and onward to college. The K to 12 formal education follows a strict curriculum set by the Department of Education and administered through the various School Districts. The Board of Trustees are the governing bodies of universities in the U.S..

Before moving on and up to the next class or grade, you will have to be tested on what you’ve learned in your current class/grade or course as well as readiness for the next level.

It is possible to pass through the formal education without the education passing through the person/student. A post for another day.

Informal Education

Any form of education (learning instructions) outside of the formal (school setting) type falls under the informal education. This includes life lessons from parents, a community, online, mentor, coach, etc.

Non Formal Education

The non-formal education is a learning that is more practical. It does not follow any age requirements and may not conduct exams as a requirement to move up. Home schooling, adult schools, vocational, professional training, etc. fall under this type of education.

Both informal and non-formal educations are unstructured but provide alternatives for anyone to be literate and acquire specific skills. They are independently focused on the person, group, or goal.

Which Type is Superior?

I strongly believe that the formal education is the most important, though all three are essential. Graduating from college does not have to stop one’s learning and development else, as Einstein said, the education will interfere with your learning.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.”

Albert Einstein

And some professions require a continuing education to ensure that the individuals sharpen their knowledge and skills and are up-to-date with technology and any recent changes in the profession .

Lifelong learning is essential to a strong development of self, and the means justifies the end. – ThinkerTalker

This post is Preamble 1 and I hope it clarifies Preamble 2.

References

So you think you’re ready for marriage … How’s your F-Financial Development?

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Our fourth post in the pre-marriage series, PEMFESS + P, is the F-Financial Development. Click here for the M-Mental Development.

Preamble

Money. Money. Money. We can’t do without it and only few can live wisely with it. To be respected in most marriages, you must contribute financially to its success. It’s sad that love is no longer enough to keep marriages together forevet. Not all men (or their families) recognize or appreciate the non-financial contributions that a woman/wife brings to the marriage. Sorry if you thought otherwise. Sometimes though, it could be the wife (and or her family). If it ain’t dollars, it ain’t matter.

The love of money is the root of all evil. Yes, many have been known to commit murder because of money. Families and friends have also parted ways as a result of this five-letter-word. And several marriages have also been destroyed as a result of inadequate money and money issues. Even those marriages that “end amicably,” in the western cultures, turn monstrous at the mention of alimony, child support, or distribution of assets.

Preparation is key

So how do you prepare to tread the marital waters as far as finances are concerned? The answer is to prepare wisely and financially before marrying. There’s not a set amount of money to set aside (save); that is an individual prerogative.

“Financials” is a wide topic. For the purposes of this Series, we will compress it to:

vow to be an asset and not a liability.

I’m not going to write a finance or an accounting post explaining what an asset or liability is. Please do your research to better understand the terms if interested. For this post, simply remember that assets (+) add (or bring) in, while liabilities (-) subtract (or take away) money.

How do you become an asset?

To be an asset, you need to have your own money, tangibly stashed away, such that your prospective spouse recognizes that you can hold your own and contribute meaningfully in, and to, financial matters. The contribution should not be in a corky arrogant manner, but gently and meekly. Except you have wealthy parents who are willing to set you up financially once married, never ever start marriage wholly dependent on your spouse. It’s a different story if after marriage something happens that necessitates the dependency. Even at that, you should still strive to hustle to bring something to the financial table. It doesn’t matter if your prospective hubby (or husband) tells you “honey, I don’t want you working; I’ll take care of it, you and our family!” Do it for your own self value. The contribution also doesn’t have to be a 9-to-5 deal.

Some cultures still live in the “fantasyland” (aka husband-does-it-all) mentality. The one who gets the rude awakening is the lady/woman when love fades and the man begins to act chauvinistically mean and controlling the matrimonial funds, no longer giving her any, and depriving her of access to the money or accounts. “Afterall, it’s all mine – you never worked!” Sad if the couple have been married for ample number of years.

Statistics

“Data released by financial firm TD Ameritrade found that 41% of divorced Gen Xers and 29% of Boomers say they ended their marriage due to disagreements about money.”

“Money problems are the #1 cause for divorce in America and money causes the most stress in relationships.”

Start now

To be financially smart, start investing diligently now while single, in both liquid and illiquid assets. Rule of thumb is to save 3-12 months salary as emergency fund; the more, the better. The truth is that once married and you start having children, it gets harder if not impossible to save and invest. Doing it now also yields benefits because the money will continue to compound (of course , depending on the amount) even if you got married and are unable to add more to it.

Ponder on these

In addition, the following are questions you should have answers to before marriage:

  1. Know your money habits and attitudes: are you a saver or spender? What type of hubby do you want or need: a compliment or complement
  2. What’s your money management technique? Do you use a budget or make impulsive purchases
  3. Do you know yourself financially? Are you flexible or rigid as to who you are financially?
  4. Do you have debts, such as student loans, credit cards, etc., that needs to be cleared or reduced
  5. What’s your financial goal(s) and/or fears?

Being cognizant of answers to the above, including mapping out strategies for implementation, will bring a sense of financial peace that will be beneficial, to you, your future husband, and family, when it’s time to get married.

To your financial and holistic development

M-Mental Development: PEMFESS+P

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Credits: Unsplash / Matthew Ball

Mental health and development is encompassing and this post cannot do it enough justice that it deserves.

I started writing this post couple of weeks ago. It seems such a daunting topic to write that I have made endless edits every time I reviewed it. Since it’s been that long since the last post on the PEMFESS+P series, I finally accepted the fact that Mental Health and Development is an exhaustive topic that I cannot fully cover with one post. I’ll, however, do my best to include basic information for the purposes of the Series and, if need be, add more later. Thanks for reading.

Mental illness awareness has recently gained national and global attention . Hitherto, it was a taboo to talk about it, admit that one was suffering from it, or accept its diagnosis. But, Mental health is as real as all other health or development issues. It’s therefore important to cultivate a sound mental health routine and make it a priority for yourself.

What is Mental Health?

Mental health is how your mind processes (“reasons, thinks, feels, wills, perceives, judges, etc.”) everything that pertains to you and life. It involves your “intellect or understanding, as distinguished from the faculties of feeling and willing.”

The National Institute of Health (NIH) describes mental health as including “… our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.” The Institute went on to state that “Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.”

Mental diagnosis ranges from depression, anxiety, panic and maniac disorders to suicides. Alcohol and drug use or dependences also falls under the mental disorders list, as well as, excessive or insufficient and unreasonable (anorexic) eating, schizophrenia, bipolar, post-traumatic stress disorder (ptsd), etc.

Statistics

One out of every five young adult is affected by mental illness.

“Half of all mental disorders begin by age 14 and three-quarters by age 24.”

“19.00% of adults are experiencing a mental illness. Equivalent to over 47 million Americans.”

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), about “1 billion people are living with a mental disorder, 3 million people die every year from the harmful use of alcohol and one person dies every 40 seconds by suicide.”

Mental Development

Mental development affects one’s total being; emotional, physical, social and financial developments, such that if not properly managed or treated, the total being (health and wellness) can disintegrate.

It is pertinent to note that though you might be as physically developed as you will get, your brain is still undergoing its development. As such, mentally, as well as emotionally, you are not fully grown (or developed) at eighteen or twenty-one. “The changes that take place in the brain during the early twenties affect how new experiences and new pieces of information are synthesized.”

Being aware that you are not fully and mentally developed should necessitate seeking guidance before making or taking major decisions. Be accountable to someone – your parent/s or close friend.

Helpful Habits

Regarding this Series, being fully cognizant of your abilities and capacities is a necessary trait.

  • How you handle stress, conflicts, change, or challenging times;
  • What your resilience quotient (which is how fast you bounce back when life throws you a curve) is;
  • Your general outlook on life – hopefully you have more positive than negative outlook;
  • Knowing your triggers and communicating them to those closest to you is key. This helps them be cognizant and supportive when the triggers arise.
  • Your “Me time” is essential to refresh and rejuvenate. Ensuring that you have one at least monthly; best will be weekly, will help your mental outlook.
  • Surround yourself with positive family and friends.

Other ways to improve your mental health can be found here.

Also, click here to learn ten things you can do for your mental health.

Other References

So you think you’re ready … how is your E-Emotional Development

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Credits: Unsplash / Left, Robina Weermeijer. Right, Tengyart

PEMFESS+P: The First E-Emotional Development

A lot can be unpacked as regards Emotions. Your emotions impact every area of your life. It is your brain and feelings connection. When fully grounded in the emotions, other areas will be positive. Similarly, out-of-control emotions negatively impact other areas of one’s life. This does not mean that you suppress those emotions though. They are there for a reason. It merely means that you give them the right balance of how to appropriately express yourself at the right time. However, if you are one to have emotional outbursts, now is the time to work on them before those emotions get you in trouble.

As an example, I used to work where an Executive Manager would throw the desk phone at someone or the wall when he was angry or work wasn’t going his way. The last time he did it unfortunately the organization’s Chief was walking into his office and had to duck. The Executive was asked to resign or be fired. Such behaviors are unacceptable especially for a leader in private or publicly. Neither would such be acceptable in marriage.

The development of our emotions begin in infancy and involves how we express ourselves in the good, bad, and ugly situations. It involves self-expression, using our words positively rather than our fists and name-calling, self-control, etc. What, and how, you do when you’re fearful, angry, or sad, feeling sorrow or hate, or are excited. Do you wear your emotions on your sleeves? Do you throw tantrums and everyone around you have to walk on eggshells? Or do you suppress those emotions in an attempt to be “nice.”

Your Emotional Development is the difference between being proactive and reactive.

“Children who grow up in a less nurturing environment are more likely to have an unstable emotional foundation – affecting the rest of their lives.”

Being proactive and seeking counseling or therapy will be beneficial in unpacking and dealing with any covert or overt childhood emotional or traumatic experiences. The earlier you identify the need for counseling or therapy sessions, the better it will be for your emotional wellness and stability.

This is the time to deal with any emotional wounds so you aren’t carrying those baggages along with you in life and into your marriage.

You must have achieved a mastery of some emotions as an emerging adult, while other emotions will continue to develop. Also, being aware that the brain is not fully developed until age 24 (some say age 25), explains the irrational and/or immature behaviors of emerging adults, which includes you.

What emotions do you exhibit when you’re happy, sad, angry, frustrated, afraid, etc. What or who brings those emotions to the surface? How do you handle yourself when those emotions surface? We all obviously gravitate towards affable personalities and those who gives us a smile or use kind words. Are you any of this?

Identify those emotional habits that need to change and begin working on them. You’ll be the better for it.

Helps for Your Emotions

  • Sleep is essential and therapeutic. A good rest and sleep helps us to express ourselves calmer. I hope that you make rest and sleep a priority.
  • Good and balanced diet is also essential for your emotional development. “A hungry lady is an angry lady” is true. Ensure that you feed yourself healthy and timely meals.
  • In addition, I cannot overemphasize the need for your physical exercises. Having a trainer is good, but unnecessary in my opinion. Neither do you need to purchase expensive exercise gadgets. A 30-minute or more walk or run round your block at least thrice a week is all you need. The gym membership, exercise gadgets are merely extras.
  • Laugh or Smile. Yes, laughing and smiling not only slows aging, but is also a stress reliever. Also freely laugh at yourself; it won’t hurt much when others laugh at you.
  • Meditation. I meditate in the Word of God. Some choose yoga. Find what works for you and start doing it.
  • Remove yourself from toxic environments and people. Don’t linger in such merely for the sake of friendship or because you need the job, especially now that businesses are opening up after the long closure due to covid-19.
  • Surround yourself with positive influences.

Once you cultivate these habits, they’ll become a part of you that will be difficult to forego going into marriage.

Master Your Emotions

We all love the happy and positive emotions and want more of them. However, we will not be human without the negative emotions. We just hope that we have less of the negative ones. So, what do we do when certain negative emotions surface?

  1. First, dig deeper and find out the root of the emotion. Is’t really the person or incident or there’s an underlying, untended, and untreated reason. Am I just having a bad day? Is this a one-off emotion or recurring given the person, place, or thing?
  2. Once identified, deal with the root.
  3. If it still persists, have a talk with the person
  4. Changing your perception of the person, place, or thing is also helpful. Not reacting, but redirecting the emotion. Also, choosing to see something positive in the person, place, or thing to replace the negative emotion is also helpful.
  5. If that fails, remove yourself if possible from the person, place, or thing.

Our emotions impact our mental abilities. Stay tuned for the next post on Mental Development.

To your holistic beautiful self and higher emotional intelligence 😍

References