My dear, how do you fair in your Physical Development?

The first P in PEMFESS+P is Physical Development

The average lady contemplating marriage is an emerging young adult between the ages of 20 and 30. Granted that there are a few outliers depending on culture, race, and or other demographics, a majority of ladies will marry sooner within the age range than later. According to the 2018 U.S. Census Bureau, the average age for females to marry in the U.S. is approximately 28 years old and 30 years for males. The age might be different in other parts of the world. This age range, up to age 40, falls under the young adult category.

As an emerging young adult, therefore, my dear lady, sister, daughter, you’re still “between adolescence and full-fledged adulthood,” still trying to establish your own autonomy and identity. You’re still developing in many areas of life, including learning to differentiate your likes, dislikes, and probably what you want out of life. It is therefore important that you identify the critical areas of development for yourself first before joining with another in marriage.

Plug-In for your Parents

If I may seize the opportunity to put a plug-in for your parents. As a parent, too, they were responsible for you till a certain age which may have been high school or college level depending on their culture or financial capabilities. Thereafter, your development is all yours; that’s why it’s called self-development, in case you haven’t figured that out yet. It helps nobody to blame your parents for what they didn’t, or forgot to, do for you. If anything, it will be to your advantage to be appreciative of whatever they were able to contribute to your life thus far. This might keep them on your corner longer, and especially for the wedding (smile). Here on, the journey is solely yours, though you will have them on your Board (of Directors’ team) cheering you on the sidelines, if you choose to.

I feel better penning that. I’ve observed a lot of “entitlements” from young adults that are both misplaced and unnecessary. Moving on …

Though your physical body system has reached its maturity, there are still age-related changes taking place in your physique. One of such changes, called “primary aging,” are “the biological factors such as molecular and cellular changes,” while the other is called “”secondary aging” which refers to aging that occurs due to controllable factors, such as lack of physical exercise and poor diet.”

Primary and Secondary Aging

Let’s start with the biological factors. It will behoove you to be cognizant of any known medical issues, for example, heart attacks, strokes, sickle cell, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc., in your lineage. Identify them and do your part to avoid or mitigate them, if possible. The earlier you know them the better. For example, I’ve heard that two sickle cell (SS) carriers must not marry. What are your tendencies of being a candidate of any genetic medical issues? What are you doing about the issue?

Other questions to consider are:

  • How often do you see your doctor?
  • Do you take your annual physical exams seriously?
  • Do you have any ongoing medical issues?
  • As a lady, are you fertile and capable of procreating if you both decide to have children? Do you have any latent or recurring reproductive (or gynecological) issues?
  • Do you exercise?
  • How about your weight – are you comfortable in your own skin with it?
  • How about you diet? Do you watch the quantity and quality of your food intakes?

Your physical development also involves your sex life. Are you presently active? Infertility is a big issue, can be stressful, and destroy a marriage if not divulged at the onset or handled with empathy and tact.

Do you smoke, use recreational drugs, or drink alcohol. As a personal experience, I was a smoker (cigarette) before marriage. My boyfriend was aware of it. But after marriage, he no longer was willing to accommodate the habit. He put unnecessary pressure on me to quit, but the more he did, the more it stressed me and turned me more to puffing. I eventually had to ask Father God for help (yes, I wasn’t a Christian at the time but had an awareness of God). He finally answered me, took it away, and I haven’t returned to it since.

You are at your physical peak as a young adult; probably looking gorgeous, lean, good skin, and eating healthy. I sincerely hope that you are. What would you do to maintain all that, not only now, but even after marriage?

Taking great care of one’s self is the difference between having two ladies of the same age; one looking ten years younger while the other looks fifteen years older. Of course, there are a few exceptions where DNA can be blamed, right? Also, take care of your body now so that it can take care of you later.

Physical development is critical for everyone. What sustainable physical development strategies , goals, or vision do you have in place for yourself? For example, I have to exercise 30 minutes a day at least three days a week, I have to take a beauty rest once a week, I have to go for my annual medical checkup and eye test, etc. If you don’t have one, or have never thought of one, now is the time to think through it and come up with it.

To your holistic beautiful self 😍



My dear, so you think you’re ready for marriage. How do you fair in these areas?

There was a time when there were no books on marriages nor on pregnancy and having children. Now there are ample books, including scholarly non-fictions and numerous blogs, on both topics to choose from.

I join to blog my perspectives, and to propose areas of development, for ladies before embarking on the journey of the most controversial institution of marriage.

Is marriage for everyone?

I’m torn in my answer to the question. There’s a part of me that remembers and answers according to Matthew 19:11-12; see below. And with that would say that marriage is not for everyone. There’s the other part of me that says “how do you know if you haven’t tried it.”

This post is for those who desire marriage. Being fully cognizant of the fact that nothing in life is guaranteed, after all you’re only one part of the union, I pen in the hope that being prepared and intentionally developing one self signifies that you are doing your part towards having the marriage that you desire.

So, you think that you are ready for marriage. Are you really? How do you fare in the following areas? Let’s find out.

You have a boyfriend and are going steady. You believe that you are in love and that your boyfriend loves you. That’s great because mutuality is key in a relationship. But I’m sorry to disappoint you by letting you know that love alone no longer sustain marriages. If you’ve been listening to the news, marriages are falling apart not after the first five years now, but after having been married for decades – 10 – 27 years! What happened to the love? Your guess is as good as mine.

Self Development

Self development is lifelong. However, I have noticed that most ladies don’t self-develop themselves for marriage. I didn’t because I wasn’t aware of the need to and nobody told me that I had to. In retrospect, I wished now that I did. I didn’t even go through a pre-marriage counseling as I wasn’t married in a church. Anyways …

I’m proposing an intentional self development for pre-marriage. I hope it’s beneficial to those who embrace it.

Ladies, you must intentionally develop yourselves in 6, plus 1, main areas before deciding to marry. The earlier your self development starts, the better you would be in marriage.
The foundational areas of self development which I believe are essential, for ladies, for a successful marriage, not in any particular order but merely to form an easy acronym, “PEMFESS + P” are:

  1. P – Physical (nutrition, health & wellness)
  2. E – Emotional (emotions/maturity) / M – Mental (of the mind toughness)
  3. F – Financial (yes, money)
  4. E – Educational (college is still important)
  5. S – Social (connectedness)
  6. S – Spiritual (higher connection)
  7. P – Productive / Work (job or business).

I believe that the above areas will develop you holistically and help build a strong/er foundation for your marriage.

The seven areas are interrelated. A success in one does not necessarily equate a success in the other, but a failure in one will definitely affect the other.

Read along with me as we think and talk through each area. To be continued.